"Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock." - Matthew 7:24-25
For me it was my four year old son's leg, which, literally, broke.
A bad bounce on the trampoline and he was down, and I was suddenly faced with a chance to examine what was in my heart when it came to God's goodness and His power. As we brought my son inside the house, still grasping his knee, crying and writhing with pain, those of us at our men's get together began praying for him. It was at this time that I began my Job like questioning.
Now in my mind, there was never any question as to whether God could heal him or not, but it was question of whether He wanted to or was willing. I've seen the Lord Jesus miraculously heal a fractured rib at a men's retreat and even fully heal my sprained ankle on my first missions trip to Russia, but yet I found I had zero faith that He would miraculously heal my first born. Here I am, a pastor to so many college aged and twenty-somethings, with full faith in His provision when it comes to finances, but bankrupt at this moment when it came to His love and goodness for my helpless boy. I know He doesn't heal everyone and He has His reasons, but why let a four year old encounter so much pain?
And that's when the Lord spoke and asked, "Do you trust Me?"
Repeatedly, the Holy Spirit gently asked that to me in that familiar still small voice and I had to reexamine whether my faith was merely intellectualism or true faith. Did I believe Jesus is good like I simply believe George Washington crossed the Delaware or did I know it to be true and hold onto it during this trial?
I am a man who likes to know details - not in any sort of micro-managing way, but I simply like knowing it all. All I need is a reason and I am good to go. Yet here I did not know the reason but the question remained, did I trust God? Do I fully know Him to be loving and good in spite of not getting a reason to help satisfy my wondering?
Now a few days later, Caleb is in a full cast on his left leg, having suffered a hairline fracture right below his knee but above his growth plate ("best" place for a break if one should happen) and is in fairly good spirits. He is not questioning the Lord's goodness or his father's love (as I had just gotten on the trampoline with him when it happened), nor is he constantly complaining. I found in me that I do trust Jesus, but still have lots of room for improvement in the area of faith when it comes to the full love of God in matters of small life affairs. It was a good moment of examination in my own walk with Christ and a way to once again surrender to the fact that God knows what He is doing (and if one is unsure, a quick read of Job 38-41 will remind us of our finite status and God's infinite standing).
Perhaps you are facing (or will face) one of those moments of testing/purification of your faith (James 1:2-4). Make sure what you hold onto isn't merely intellectual in nature but is something your truly believe. And if it is something you truly believe, walk in it so that you will strengthen it in your own heart and mind. Find time to praise Him in the midst of that. Pray, even when your faith is weak. These things strengthen us. We are bombarded constantly in our world, through global events, bad news, and our own conflicts, with questions of God's goodness that challenges whether we believe it simply in our heads or our hearts. But it comes back to those words which He asked me and will ask you,
Do you trust Me?
